Throughout my drafts there were many major and minor changes to my introduction, my sources integrated, and my sentence structure. In my analysis of the multiple drafts I will show evidence of revision within different parts of my paper. Next i will start with showing the ideas from my classmates help improve my work. From then i will show growth through my homework assignments in my blog posts. Then i will show my comments on other classmate’s essays, aiding them with ideas and questions to help them improve on their argument. Continuing on with the revision and betterment of introduced quotations and sourced articles. The last part of my analysis will include my small errors in my sentences. To be specific, this would be editing different parts to make my sentences sound smoother, while still conveying the idea I am trying to present.

Writing as a Recursive process

The Final draft of my paper has come a long way from first rough draft in terms of the structure and the overall improvement of ideas integrated into sentences.

First Draft

Final Draft

In these two screen shots of my first and final drafts I introduce the two sources I use, Brandt and Williams. When first starting my paper I had not brought the authors name up to the reader. This change indicates that the reader will be informed of two sources, one being scholarly. With this now in the introduction it strengthens the rest of my ideas and quotations by being a source to back them up.

2nd Draft

Final Draft

 

In these screenshots I change the wordiness of Williams’s quotation to make it more easily understood. People get bored if you give them big quotes to read, but a shorter quote with a easier explanation brings them to the concept quicker. This makes it easier for the reader to understand an article, and be able to further connect with the ideas that i present.

First Draft

Final Draft

These two screenshots here I show the change I implemented to express the story of Tevin Francois literacy narrative. Now including this block quotation it gives the reader more information, that is related to my ideas in my essay. My first draft has little to no explanation of Tevin’s narrative, or any in depth  reason to why it is included. By having this block quotation it delivers the summary, with also providing points related to my argument.

Integrate Ideas with Those of Others

In this picture I describe what I think about an identity shift, and along with point that teachers effect students in different ways causing these shifts. I use these ideas and relate them to Williams’s idea of an identity crisis, writing that shifting in identities cause an identity crisis. By relating Williams’s ideas with my ideas further strengthens my argument and presents to the reader a different perspective on my explanations.

 

This is the next sentence after the last picture, and it  goes into a quotation from Williams that details how students change many times from the start of their schooling. After this quotation i go on to write how this then proves my idea about how students go through many changes based on their teachers. They do not know because they might have another sponsor which might change their lives, causing a shift in identity. This identity shift is something caused by a sponsor that has a major impact on them, and this will continue to happen the rest of someone’s life. Williams is saying they are not the person they perceive themselves to be, meaning that they also going through my idea of an identity crisis and an identity shift.,

Active Reading, Critical Reading, and Informal Reading Response

In this second annotation I state that this could be a discourse, relating to what Brandt discusses about sponsorship as a sort of “literacy development”(Brandt). In this annotation I ask the question whether or not people who are highly sponsored are automatically destined to be highly successful in life. This is from Brandt’s article, and the underlined portion at the bottom which reads “Loaning land, money, protection,and other favors allowed the politically powerful to extend their influence and justify their exploitation of clients.” This sentence from Brandt extends my question that if the highly sponsored become upper class citizens, as do they use their power to take over by providing high sponsorship.

In this annotation shows my questions about Alexander’s article, describing that students write about how they are going to get good grades in school just to get a good job, in order to get money. This goes with my annotation that asks if knowledge is power, meaning have the kids been brainwashed with ideas that if they work as hard as they can they can make as much as they want. My next annotation poses the question whether this idea of working for success is not exclusive to one gender. The top annotation is on the part of the article about how men have social autonomy and women have social participation which are gender from myths in their literacy narratives. This relates to what I asked, which was whether or not they draw from these myth and if this was about the gender norms, if the students made their narratives because they felt socially pressured.

Critique Own and Others’ Work

In this comment on my classmates paper I try to provide some help on how he might expand and develop his idea. He talks about in this screenshot how when teachers hear how students really feel from their position, the teachers can help them, to this idea I asked how could their teacher help them from her position. With this comment i am trying to help strengthen his argument.

In this comment I  suggest that the classmate use both his experience and his ideas and bring them together with the other narratives to make a conclusion. This can be done by incorporating his ideas instead of summarizing each individual story saying its points.

In my comment on my classmates essay I suggest that he should relate the quotations he makes to the ideas of his paper rather than putting multiple quotations without an explanation to why they are important. This comment hopefully helped this essay fully state his thought and ideas that go along with his sources.

Document Work Using Appropriate Conventions

This picture depicts a quotation includes the articles title as well as the quotation using brackets to change the words of the author without changing his ideas. In this sentence ellipses are integrated to separate parts of Williams’s quotation that are not needed or are too long to incorporate. When citing the author, the page number is put before the period of the sentence.

In this block quotation I use a full sentence that lead to a colon with a one and a half inch indent. At the end of the block quotation the author is cited after the period at the end of the sentence. By using a block quotation in my essay I brought in a summary of Tevin’s story into my explanation of a sponsor. This gives the reader more evidence for my argument including a literacy narrative, which is brought up in my essay.

Control Individualized Error Patterns

2nd Draft

Final Draft

     In this sentence error from my second draft I found a better way to say that a student that becomes a literacy winner due to overcoming their problems that they encountered, perhaps from their sponsor. This small change can make the sentences leading up to points flow smoother for a better sounding message to the reader.

First Draft

Final Draft

In these two pictures I deal with another one of my major problems, using words that could be replaced to make a sentence sound better. I change the sentence from saying going through these events is bound to happen to, these events are going to happen. This change makes changes out a word that is not taken as seriously, and replacing with a sentence that lets the reader know the ideas of the author.