When I was reading the comments from my peers, I realized how much I had to improve my essay. After reading through them, I began to rewrite my literacy moment. I took notice to the details that needed to be added to further describe my literary moment. My biggest problem described by my peers, was that I needed to tie in my body paragraphs to my introduction. Without this connection, my essay had a mix match of story and ideas that didn’t flow together as an essay should. I solved this problem by making hints in the introduction lead to the ideas of the body paragraphs. With this in place I could also fix the other problem rightfully mentioned in the comments, that my essay needed to flow better. I addressed this by connecting each sentence together so that they lead up to a main point, this gave me more room to decide what details I wanted where.

collreadwrit1a